So back at work with only slight jet lag
I didn't sleep overly well last night to be honest. I got very tearful when I said goodbye to my boyfriend yesterday and ended up getting quite upset and tearful and felt quite alone. I did try to phone one of my sisters, but sadly she didn't pick up the phone so ended up trying to go to sleep and not worry about things. I did manage to sleep, however kept waking up every 1-2 hours and then I was fixated on actually 'getting some sleep' before I needed to go to work and then started worrying about the fact I wasn't sleeping!
When I got up at 6:20, I was pretty knackered, however felt better after having a shower and felt pretty good about the fact my work trousers didn't feel tighter. I don't know why, but it's one thing I was dreading - not being able to wear them or at the very least, them feeling a lot tighter.
Breakfast was a small malt loaf breakfast bar - Soreen seem to have a new product out and it's actually really nice. I ate that with a small cup of tea and that filled me up perfectly. I had a snack at 11:00 which was a small bag of Sainsburys jumbo cranberries and raisins and then for lunch, I had a salad. Unfortunately I wasn't able to finish the salad as within 10 minutes, my stomach started rumbling and I felt I needed to go to the toilet - I don't know what my stomach thought was wrong with the salad but let's just say it didn't stay in my tummy for very long!
I also started feeling more and more sick throughout the day, I kept thinking to myself 'Don't throw up, you're not going to suffer from Morning Sickness, don't be silly'. I managed to get the train home and then drive back to my house before feeling really sick - as soon as I got in the house I ran upstairs to the toilet and tried to throw up, only for nothing to come up! I actually felt a lot better after that and oddly, I've felt OK the entire night.
Even though I'd spent 10 days straight with my Boyfriend, he came round tonight as well and we just spent the evening watching random TV which included more 'Grand Designs' and a documentary about the KKK (It's really sad that people still have such racist views), Dinner tonight was really nice BBQ turkey breast with rosemary roast potatoes and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. It was really, really nice and I felt really happy eating the veg. Tomorrow I'm already lusting after a baked sweet potato with beans and coleslaw so if I get to crave 'healthy' things, I guess that's a plus?
In regards to how I'm feeling about the pregnancy - I'm feeling OK today. I think going back to work and back to my 'routine' helped a lot and took my mind off things. It's just another day that I can remind myself that pregnancy is a slow process.. it's not as if tomorrow I'll wake up and have a baby. However I am still struggling with my thoughts and they're still not 'happy'. I have been posting on an online forum where the ladies have been really, really supportive and non-judgemental. I do think that online forums can be pretty horrible places sometimes, however when you write an honest post and get some really thoughtful and helpful responses, it makes a massive difference - Especially when they reply with 'I feel the same way' or 'You're not a freak'.
Tomorrow I get to see my counsellor - the first time in 3 weeks and I've never been looking forward to seeing her so much in my life! Partly because I want to talk to her about what's been happening with me in the last 3 weeks and partly because on Thursday I have my filling - my first ever filling and not only that.... it means an injection in my mouth :-( I feel OK about it at the moment as I trust my Dentist and have been seeing her for years, however I think in the next 48 hours I'll start feeling more and more nervous about it..... However, it's 'only' an injection... I'll be OK... deep breath and all that!